i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
