But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
