Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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