I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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