I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's never too late to be topless.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
