I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
