Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
