you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
