he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
