dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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