i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I checked into jail on foursquare
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
