thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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