I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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