my mouth tastes like poor choices
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
