I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
