Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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