Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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