the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
