You're earring is so big in my mouth
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
