Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
