No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
