I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
