I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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