a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
