Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
