i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
