oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
