you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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