A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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