Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
