can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
