He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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