can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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