pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
