im having a threesome with these popsicles
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
