not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
