thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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