ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize