im about as happy as oj after his trial
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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