I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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