You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
