My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dicks are not precious.
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