Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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