At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
