Don't make out with my wife yet
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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