I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sober January is a disaster.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
