Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
