some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
