your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
