He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
