The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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