forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
