I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
