Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
