Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
