I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
