Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
