I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
