Can i not drive my cunt home
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
