A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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