All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
