I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
