What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
