I skipped work to stalk him.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
