We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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