Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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