Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
