Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
