So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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