Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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