so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
