i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
